Committing insecticide

It's high mosquito season here in northeast Arkansas and living near a wooded area in the middle of rice country, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a dozen mosquitos.

Our screened back porch would be a great barrier to mosquitos and other bugs wanting to get into the house except that we have to keep the screen door on the porch propped open so our two dogs can run in an out. And they run in and out maybe 100 times a day.

So the back porch fills up with mosquitos and other bugs. They enter through the open door and fill up the enclosed space. I can't decide whether they just can't find their way out or if they prefer the shade. The mosquitos congregate in the corners and wait for us to open the back door so they can buzz into the house and suck our blood.

There are few things more maddening than the high pitched whine of a mosquito hovering next to your ear, especially if you're about to fall asleep.

Rather than bomb the area with chemicals, Maria decided to attack the problem physically by going after the little varmints with our Shop Vac. The wand extensions make it possible to reach all the way to the ceiling and the suction is sufficiently powerful to yank in every hapless mosquito that gets within about 3 inches of the nozzle.

We quickly discovered it's extremely gratifying to watch those little bastards disappear down the vacuum hose and mosquito hunting with the Shop Vac has become a daily sport at our house.

We also realized that the back porch is a much more target-rich environment. In 15 minutes' time this morning, I bagged more than 200 mosquitos by attacking the swarms in the corners and picking  them off when they try to flee through the screens. That's probably more effective than having a flock of purple martins at work.

Then there's the "big game" of the porch bug world - huge inch-long flies that make a particularly satisfying "thunk" when the suction grabs them and fires them down the length of the hose into the Shop Vac canister. Add the occasional wasp and moth and it's more fun than a video game.

And when we run out of bugs to suck up, we blast a shot of Ortho insecticide into the nozzle. Hahahahahaha! Let's see you buzz in our ears now!