Preparing for bed last night, I walked into the kitchen to take a few pills. Something on the tile floor next to the sink caught my eye and… HOLY SHIT! A SNAKE!
WHAT THE FUCK IS A SNAKE DOING IN MY HOUSE?
Granted, it wasn’t a very big snake – probably a quarter-inch in diameter and maybe a foot long (the tiles are 18 inches square, to give you some perspective).
Turns out it was a harmless rough green snake (Opheodrys aestivus). Here's what the Arkansas Game & Fish Commission says about them:
Rough green snakes are active during the day from April to early October. Our most arboreal (tree-dwelling) snake, it prefers the bushes or shrubs along the edge of streams and swamps. Also found on open brushy ridges. Breeding can occur in spring or autumn and from 1-10 eggs are laid in June-July. It specializes in feeding on caterpillars, grasshoppers, crickets, dragonﬂies, damselﬂies and spiders.
Maria and I have an understanding. I will take care of any rodents that show up and she will do the same for snakes. So I stood by while she swept the snake onto a dustpan and dumped it into a big red pickle bucket. She took it out to the back yard and dumped it into the grass.
A snake in my house is right up there with my worst fears and even if this guy was miniscule, the prospect of stepping on him barefoot in the middle of the night is unspeakably horrifying.
My best guess is that he came in from the garage through a tiny gap in the rubber sweep under the house door to the garage. Either that, or he came in through the back porch during a time when I had the house door open to let the dogs to and fro.