For Steve and Nicky

You might be from Las Vegas if…

You no longer associate bridges with water.
You can say 115 degrees without fainting.
You have made instant sun tea.
You have learned that a seat belt makes a good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 85 degrees and you feel a bit chilled.
You have never seen a snow shovel and don’t know anyone who owns one.
You wouldn’t know what to do with it if you did!
You have learned that in July and August it only takes 2 fingers to drive a car.
You have discovered that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
You notice that the best parking spaces are determined by shade, not by distance.
You know someone who has paid to get a job parking cars.
It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is on the streets.
Half of the people you know work in a casino.
Hot water comes out of both taps.
You do not own an umbrella and would not know where to get one.
You don’t find it strange that the grocery stores, drug stores and 7-11s all have slot machines in them.
You are comfortable at 102 degrees.
You have spent the entire day trying to find a store that carries snow chains for your car.
You have actually burned your hand opening the car door.
No one you know would ever dream of having vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
If the local weather service records 0.02 inches, they call it rain.
You don’t know anyone who owns a raincoat.
You have cooked a dozen eggs in the trunk of your car between the grocery store and your home.
Your biggest bicycle fear is “what if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death”?
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Half of your neighbors are from California and the other half are from New York.
They all moved to Nevada to avoid oppressive taxes, but now demand the same services that they had at home.
You think snow on the ground is an abstract concept.
You have forgotten how to drive on wet roads.
The local cows have been known to give powdered milk.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
You pray “I wish it would rain. Not so much for me because I have seen it, but for my 7 year old.”
You can say “but it’s a dry heat” without laughing.
The water in your pool has been too hot to swim in and you don’t even have a heater.
You have ever cooked outside without lighting the grill.
Your power bill in the summer is more than your mortgage payment.
You have had to take out a loan to pay your water bill.
You think it was better when “the Mob” ran the town.
You have ever thought “if I only had the light bulb concession.”
You have ever golfed when it was 117 degrees outside.
You have visited the Statue of Liberty, Venice, the Eiffel Tower, and the Pyramids without having to leave town.
The song “I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas” has no meaning to you.
You can’t buy a car on Sunday from a car dealer, but you can buy a drink, gamble or get a “massage”.
You know Autumn has arrived when the temperature finally dips to 95 degrees.
You’ve golfed in December in a short sleeved shirt.
You’ve tried to work on your car in the summer and burned your hand picking up a wrench that was left in the sun less than two minutes ago.
You have never had a car battery last longer than three years.
You have seen more Elvis impersonators than policemen.
You have gone grocery shopping at 3:00 am.
Roads just end and pick up again three miles later.
At least four of your neighbors are “dancers”.
You are in a town with 24/7 entertainment but you can’t find anything to do.
You wouldn’t know what “natural” breasts look like.
You know at least ten people whose houses or cars are now owned by a casino.
You still don’t understand how to play craps but you still do anyway.
Before people come to visit from out of town they can’t get the concept that you don’t live in a casino.
You only go to the Strip when you have people visiting from out of town.