Aww, Barack, you shouldn't have. Really.

I got a letter from Michael J. Astrue, Commissioner of the Social Security Administration, on Saturday telling me I'm part of the pork.

It was one of those twice-folded single-sheet things that you tear the perforated strips off of the sides and lift the top flap to open.

Here's what Michael had to say:

Good news! The economic recovery bill that President Obama signed into law in February 2009 provides for a one-time payment of $250 to Social Security and Supplemental Security Income (SSI) beneficiaries.

You should receive your one-time payment by late May 2009.

I just checked my bank account and it's not there yet.

Now, I just need to figure out how to put it to the best use. Here are some possibilities that come to mind:

• But a new gun.
• Stock up on ammo.
• Buy a quarter-ounce of gold.
• Donate it to the National Rifle Association.
• Give it to the Republican National Committee.
• Donate it to help pay Sarah Palin's legal bills from responding to specious, harassing lawsuits.