Vectren Budget Plan Hell

I've wasted about an hour this morning trying to tell the natural gas utility that we want off of their budget plan.

The budget plan spreads your energy costs across an entire year of billing. It can be a good thing because it helps customers avoid crippling gas bills during the coldest months of the year.

That's why I signed up for it last fall, using Vectren Energy Delivery's website. It worked out nicely and kept our cash flow between the guardrails.

I've gone on and off the budget plan in previous years, switching back and forth with the seasons. In previous years, I merely wrote "Cancel Budget Plan" on my bill and that was sufficient. The next month's bill would reflect the current usage, rather than be calculated on an estimate based on Vectren's guesses about how severe the winter would be and how much they might have to pay for natural gas. I also suspect they pad the figure so they can earn interest on the overpayments of their thousands of customers. I wonder if that line item  shows up in the annual report to shareholders.

But it makes no sense for us to start piling up credits for this winter if we plan to sell the house and winter in Arkansas.

So when last month's bill arrived with its stated budget amount of $223, I noted that we were still carrying a credit of about $3 from previous budget plan overpayments. Consequently, I wrote "Cancel Budget Plan" on the bill and sent it back without enclosing a check, since they actually owed me money at that point.

So this month, I got a bill for $452.52: Two months of budget plan payments plus a late fee because I didn't pay the budget amount last month, i.e. they were too dim to read what I had written on the bill and act upon my request.

I went to their website today and spent a considerable amount of time exploring all of the customer options in search of a way to cancel the budget plan for our account.

I finally gave up and called their 800 number. About five layers down through the menus, I reached a vacant-sounding young man named Kevin.

I explained my situation and he responded with, "So you want to cancel your budget plan?"

Duh. Yes, Kevin. That pretty much sums up what I just told you.

Kevin did a few mouse clicks on his computer and announced it was done, but I still owe the late fee.

Fine. Just make it fucking over.

He also confirmed that there is no way to cancel the budget plan on the website or by mail. The only way to do it is to fumble through the 800 number menus and hope you end up talking to a real human. Nice user-friendly system, isn't it, Kevin?

No response.

Of course not. It wasn't in his script.

Still in a pique, I mailed my check for our current usage, plus the improperly assessed late fee with "Cancel Fucking Budget Plan!!!" scrawled across the top of the bill.