Aside from the usual two or three credit card solicitations, today's junk mail included promotional material for the Cremation Center of Indiana.
I'd like to think everyone in my Zip code got the mailing. It would be disturbing to think I was singled out as a particularly promising recipient because I just happen to be 60.
The letter from someone named Barb Milton, which addressed me familiarly on a first-name basis, informs me the Cremation Center of Indiana at 635 E. Market Street in Indianapolis "is a one-of-a-kind facility that includes a spectacular meeting room. It is the perfect place to hold a memorial gathering, reception and other special events and there is nothing like it anywhere in the country."
Barb goes on to invite me to come for a visit, dangling as bait a cheesy looking "Howard Miller clock with mahogany finish, quartz movement. A $25 value!"
Wow. A clock with a wholesale value of $12.50.
The envelope also includes a Q&A sheet with photos of 60-ish men and women who are presumably getting their questions answered. Like, "How long does it take to cremate a body?" (Between 2 and 2½ hours.) and "Is embalming necessary for cremation?" (No.)
Well, Barb, you caught me in a particularly unreceptive mood today and I'm throwing your stuff in the trash.
I'm not ready to go up in flames just yet.
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