Wednesday is my birthday and, since I expect to be on the road to Spokane and without internet access, I'm writing about it today.
I will be 59 and, therefore, beginning the last year of my 50s before I hit (I shudder when I think of it) 60. Ack!
It seems like only last week when I was 18, getting ready to start the final year of my teens. I remember it with startling clarity. Of course, I can't tell you what I had for lunch last Tuesday.
All things considered, I wouldn't be eager to go back to being 18 or 19, or even 25. It would be like getting a lobotomy.
One of the things I never realized when I was younger was that, fallible though they are, most older people are wiser than their juniors.
I'm reminded of it in life discussions with my teenage stepson and stepdaughter and also with my two sons, who are 36 and 33.
I can tell when I talk with my stepson that he labors under the mistaken impression that he is my equal in terms of intellect, judgment, maturity and wisdom. Hah.
The great consolation prize for getting older is that (assuming you've been paying attention) all of this life experience adds up to something.
I can spot wishful thinking and self-delusion a mile away and can predict with remarkable accuracy the outcome of most of my sons' and stepkids' decisions. Of course, this doesn't make me infallible in my own choices, but I'm a whole lot clearer about what's driving those choices and what the consequences will be.
I know, for instance, that if I settle for something less than what I really want - be it a motorcycle, a camera, a ballpoint pen or a relationship - I will regret it immediately and often until I correct the situation and get what I wanted in the first place. And the interesting thing is that once I get the desire established in my mind, it isn't long before it manifests. Sometimes I think it's just a matter of giving myself permission to have the thing I want. And I seem to be getting better at that all the time.
Some people think you have to have a life plan. My stepdaughter spent most of the last two years agonizing over a career path and choosing the right college and grad school to pursue that path. She was terrified of making the "wrong choice." Having goals is a fine and necessary thing, but flexibility is more important.
I warned her that if she finds herself at 35 in a dead-end job that she hates, the person she has to blame for it is the 17-year-old girl who locked her into it based on a 17-year-old's understanding of life.
So, am I happy about being 59 this week? Yeah, I guess. In terms of personal power, knowledge and happiness, it's never been better.
Maharishi used to say, "The past is always a lesser state of development."
Looking at the previous 58 years of my life, it holds true.
2 comments:
Happy Birthday!!! This trip seems such a good birthday gift to yourself, lovely as it sounds from your descriptions. I would have loved to see that summit! You know, the one leading down to the Subway sandwiches, lol. That was a wonderful read.
My own birthday is Friday. I will be the big 4-0. I am not as settled as you are in the new birthday suit. Its good to read about someone who is so pragmatic and reasonable about it.
There was something just so much jollier about the wish ful thinking and self delusional journey the 30's took me on, the 40's responsibility of "should know better" has me cowering in the corner. But I of course have until Friday to straighten out my attitude. ;-)
Thankyou, enjoy Spokane!
L
Thanks for the kind words and have a happy birthday on Friday, L.I remember my 40th birthday - it coincided with the trans-Atlantic Live Aid concert on July 14, 1985. Someone gave me a t-shirt that said, "40 isn't old - for a tree."
I drank way too much beer. From a stein my then-father-in-law had brought back from WWII in Germany. It belonged to a Sgt. Ubeliesen, who was a motorcycle dispatch rider and bears a drawing of a German soldier astride a BMW motorcycle with the Reich war flag and the national ensign fluttering in the background. The inscription says, "In memory of my training time" and lists his unit, which trained in Munich in 1937. Several years later, back before Ebay began suppressing WWII German stuff, I found an identical stein from the same unit and training period - it must have belonged to a guy who knew Sgt. Ubeliesen. It cost me $900, but I was able to reunite the two steins.
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