57 Channels and Nothin' On

Now that the town government has made good on its promise to remove the three 65-foot-tall maple trees that were menacing the south side of my house, I am able to make good on my decision to dump my overpriced cable TV service in favor of satellite DISH TV.
I tried to get a satellite hookup earlier this year, but gave up after two different installers clambered all over my property and the roof of my house with their little sighting compass gizmos trying to find an unobstructed line of sight to the DISH TV satellite. They concluded it couldn’t be done as long as those three maple trees were there.
The trees came down the second week of July. I waited a discrete interval, so as not to make it look like the only reason I wanted them down was for TV access, and last week ordered the dish.
I opted for the basic service which is guaranteed at $19.99/month for the first year with three months of free HBO and Showtime and the installers set me up last Wednesday afternoon.
We didn’t bother with the phone line connection that is necessary for Pay Per View offerings, but I can see that is coming. I spent yesterday afternoon restoring connections to my RCA home theatre amplifier/tuner that I had to undo so the dish installer could set up his stuff. Because of the layout of our home entertainment center cabinet, there isn’t enough cable or wire slack to pull the various components out far enough to actually see where the various cables connect, so it all had to be done by feel, with the aid of the owner’s manuals for the tuner, DVD player, VHS player, CD player, etc.
I finally got everything working, i.e., playing through the home theatre device and I even got the programmable DISH TV remote set up to run the home theatre volume, but I know my wife is never going to understand how to work this stuff.
When I go on long motorcycle trips, I have to leave detailed instructions on how to work the TV and its ancillary components – none of which she follows.
She’s already complaining about the complexity of the remote and menus on the bedroom TV and the only extra thing that’s connected to it is a DVD player. She’s sure to find the learning curve for more complex downstairs setup completely paralyzing.
As it was, we had an array of five remote controls (TV, DVD, VHS, CD, home theatre) on the coffee table and the simple act of watching TV required the use of three of them – the TV remote to turn on the TV, the home theatre remote to control the volume through the six speakers and the VHS remote to change channels (I had the cable signal running through the VHS tuner so we could tape the occasional program).
Now, the new satellite remote is programmed to turn on the TV and change channels (when the SAT function is chosen) and control the home theatre volume (when the AUX function is chosen, but you have to remember to go back to the SAT function for more channel changing). It’s a little tricky, but at least I’ve got it down to one remote and I think I can program still more component functions as time permits.
Having gone to all of this trouble to presumably enhance our TV experience, I’m reminded of the Bruce Springsteen line of “57 channels and nothin’ on.”
Little seems to have changed with network TV in the 44 years since Federal Communications Commission Chairman Newton Minnow called U.S. television programming a “vast wasteland.”
Here’s the pertinent passage from his speech:
…when television is bad, nothing is worse. I invite you to sit down in front of your television set when your station goes on the air and stay there without a book, magazine, newspaper, profit and-loss sheet or rating book to distract you--and keep your eyes glued to that set until the station signs off. I can assure you that you will observe a vast wasteland.
You will see a procession of game shows, violence, audience-participation shows, formula comedies about totally unbelievable families, blood and thunder, mayhem, violence, sadism, murder, western badmen, western good men, private eyes, gangsters, more violence and cartoons. And, endlessly, commercials--many screaming, cajoling and offending. And most of all, boredom. True, you will see a few things you will enjoy. But they will be very, very few. And if you think I exaggerate, try it.
I took a look at the primetime offerings of the five major networks. (ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and WB) and compiled this list of shows I have never watched and have no intention of watching:
7th Heaven
8 Simple Rules
According to Jim
Alias
The Amazing Race
American Dad
American Idol
The Bachelor
The Bernie Mac Show
Big Brother
Blue Collar TV
Bones
Boston Legal
Brat Camp
Charmed
Cold Case
Commander in Chief
Complete Savages
Crossing Jordan
CSI: Any of them
The Cut
Desperate Housewives
Everwood
Extreme Makeover
Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
Fear Factor
George Lopez
Grey’s Anatomy
Head Cases
Hell’s Kitchen
Hope & Faith
House
Invasion
Jake In Progress
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Joey
Killer Instinct
The King of Queens
Kitchen Confidential
Las Vegas
Law & Order: Any of them
Less Than Perfect
Living With Fran
Lost
Medium
Meet Mr. Mom
My Kind of Town
My Wife and Kids
Nanny 911
NCIS
Night Stalker
Numb3ers
The OC
The Office
One Tree Hill
Princes of Malibu
Prison Break
Quahog Informant
Reba
Renovate My Family
Reunion
Rock Star: INXS
Rodney
Scrubs
Smallville
Still Standing
So You Think You Can Dance
Stacked
Summerland
Supernanny
Survivor: Guatemala
Teen Choice Awards
Tommy Lee Goes to College
Totally Outrageous Behavior Caught on Tape
Trading Spouses: Meet Your New Mommy
Two and a Half Men
Veronica Mars
The War at Home
What I Like…
Wife Swap
Will & Grace
Without a Trace
Yes, Dear
Hour after hour of escapist crap. Who’s watching that stuff? Obviously there is an audience, but it doesn’t include very many people I know.
About the only thing among the primetime offerings that I do watch with any regularity is The Simpsons and Reno 911. My taste runs to the History Channel, the National Geographic Channel, TLC, A&E and the weather and news channels.
Small wonder that my personal library is very light on fiction.